NEW YORK

Just 5 days prior to that fateful day in 2001 I stood with my children on Ellis Island, all of us looking at the Statue of Liberty. We had not planned on touring it, but there is something very endearing about being on that water and approaching this PRESENCE. There is an energy there hard to explain. I felt this prior to 9/11...thinking only that I was glad we had gone, as I was hell bent on a trip of "intro to American history"-the purpose being to expose my oldest son (who was entering Kindergarten) all the things he'd soon learn. Plymouth Rick, Liberty Bell, Washington Monuments, so many states, so many things. I'll never forget the guard in Philadelphia. The kids being chosen as the ones to touch the bell. I am a lover of history and travel so I was already in my element...2 wks on the road, hitting all the spots. I could not know then that in just days the Bell would be locked up, the monuments closed at night and guarded heavily (we had the great joy of seeing them at night!). I could not have predicted any of the changes in store. New York City that day was hot, humid and SUNNY.. We boarded to go through Ellis Island,, toured it, spent the day at the Statue, sending postcards from the Post Office they have there with its own zip code. We were wrapping the day up when the skies came down. It rained, no it POURED! Water ran through the sidewalks, everyone was SOAKED. We were waiting on the ferry...nowhere to go. It had been so hot, and there was so little we could do anyway so I looked at the kids and we all just started laughing. A gentlemen who was there alone and had been hanging somewhat near us all day was getting a kick out of the kids ooos and ahhhs. In all our days and all our sightseeing, I have just one "family photo" of that trip,  lined  up with the Towers behind us. We stopped to see a good friend in New Orleans. While there he and I joked about the post card from the Statue and how we had beaten the postcard's arrival driving to his house. For some reason I had mailed those closest to us all post cards from that post office at the Statue of Liberty. All of the skyline, all with the towers front and center....and to be honest I never really noticed the Towers at all. If you have been to NYC you understand just how easily it is to not notice a thing like that. Sitting in New Orleans joking, looking at the photos I had developed ( I always want them developed immediately)..I complained to my friend about the "goddamn orange date stamp" that marked the entire roll of film...how it really messed up my photographs! How perfect they would have been without that damn stamp!! I never used the date stamp, have no idea how it was on...but it was. To this day it is still on and I don't know how to turn it off. We went home to Texas, my family, our memories and my "messed up pics". Four days later I had returned from dropping my Kindergarten son off at school. I was carrying in my younger 4 year old son and 3 year old daughter. I heard them say "wow mama"! I still recall Jojo's words "Mama those big o buildins' fall down FAST"..The "big ol buildins" is the phrase my eldest Anthony had coined. It is the phrase he used to tell the kids at show and tell what his pictures were of.  I sat clutching my babies tight...surreal. Like so many, I had been dumbfounded. Without thinking, I went to get my Kindergarten boy. I made calls. I called to check on my best friend in Philadelphia, knowing by then of the other planes.  This year when I booked my annual trips to the East Coast, I was  reminded that things change. When I visited NYC, with my precious husband, the Towers missing from the photos wasn't the only change I reflected on. There are no longer 3 toddlers clinging to  me. They have grown up. I have two handsome sons and a beautiful daughter all taller than me. The towers weren't there, but the  memory was. The rebuilding has begun, at the WTC and in my life. The energy at the site brought tears to our eyes. Faith, Hope, and Love. We felt them all.  Its matters not how the rebuild is done.its forever different, we are forever different. We are a little softer hearted but alot stronger in spirit...the kids and I..but maybe its not just us. Seems everyone I know has changed a bit.  A place and moment in time where we are living history a little bit magnified. I think back on that trip and never doubt that the Mayflower was more than just a boat.  Pilgrims were more  construction paper black hats for the Thanksgiving bulletin board at school. I want the kids to know the American history is more than fun stories.I wanted them to understand what they MEANT. I wanted the kids to "get it". Careful what you wish for I suppose. They get it. They get alot. They learned about more than history past..they, WE, learned about life. The good, the bad, the terror.  We learned People matter, life is too short to be terrified, to hate. Yes everything has changed. Everything is always changing. It is the feelings, the people, anything that is constant that matter most. Those are the things that calm you when life gets scary. The friend in Philly, the child reaching for your hand, the grandmother and her worries.The stories your pass down, the experience....the hats you make in class, the silly songs you sing in Kindergarten.... Each time I go to NYC, I remember all I have learned from that "trip" to teach history to 3 kids. I celebrate all that those same kids have since taught me about this "trip" called life. I never want to forget to remember. More important things can collapse than towers. What fear does to the heart and mind is far worse than any other destruction. I want to remember that from bad things come good things too. I want to remember that sometimes our greatest teachers have less experience than we do--less credentials, but more heart. I want to remember to worry less about tomorrow and more about today. I want to remember to live more, fear less...the way children do. Who knew that history lesson would take such a turn, the students becoming the teachers, that it would both wound and heal me. Now my trips to NYC are shared with a man that understands these things. My Donnie  is a constant reminder that there is a perfect person for everyone. I look at him and know that life is never hopeless. That love will always set you free. I enjoy NYC in a whole new way, a light hearted way. I laugh at him eating his way across Manhattan. I have been blessed to show him the Statue of Liberty, The WTC site, and so many other things. I look at him and know he "gets it", that he " gets me". I accept that life will continue to change, and I am not afraid. God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.  God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness..... ...and it was good too, just different from before. For in that darkness came the promise of morning, and the gift of starting anew.    So much more has changed than my last name. I am alot less afraid than before. My heart is softer, my mind is stronger, my resolve deepened...and my love is greater. Ive gained so much this year. NYC reminds me of that. Who could ask for a better souvenir? Blogs of our individual NYC trips and MUST see/do tips to follow.....